| SOL Post 27 | 11/15/98 |
| SOL Post 26 | 10/15/98 |
| SOL Post 25 | 09/15/98 |
S.O.L. POST
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Volume 26 - http://www.mindspring.com/~mstanon/ - October 1998
Formerly The MSTies Anonymous Newsletter: News for the Obscure Convergence
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JOEL AND FRANK TO APPEAR IN EPISODE 1001!
In This Issue
From the Associate Editor
"Let Me Tell You About the She-Creature" by skypilot@ezaccess.net
"The Poison Pen" by gherity@tcfreenet.org
"I'm Back!" by allison@bellatlantic.net
"Adam's Views and Observations" by adams@bozarth.net
"MSTable Movies" by RMichel424@aol.com
"Jenny For Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu
"Better 'Bots and Satellites" by bgribron@yahoo.com
"To Celebrate or Critique MST3K" by Ingeborg@apsci.com
October MSTie of the Month: SZeitz3426@aol.com
MST3K Trivia Winners
November MST3K Schedule on SFC
Classifieds 3000
Disclaimers
From the Associate Editor
Hello. It's me again, your, um... your friendly neighborhood psychopath.
Does this fit? No? Good. Anyway, I'm so excited about what will happen at the
beginning of Season 10; I can hardly stand still long enough to type this.
I'll make it quick.
This month brings about a new part of the newsletter, entitled "Letters."
In this section, the staff answers questions from you, the readers. That is,
if you send us questions to answer. We need questions. You need answers. It's
a two-way deal. Nice, huh?
Okay, now I tell you about Season 10, in case you were among the minute
minority that didn't know about it. In episode 1001, who should make a guest
appearance but... JOEL AND FRANK! Now, back to your regularly scheduled
newsletter, without me butting in. Isn't that the way it should be?
ishboo1@hotmail.com asks: "In the episode called 903 Pumaman, who is the
person that they modeled a head of? I would write the name, but I don't feel
like finding the tape. Thanx a lot!"
MSTAnon: "I do not fear death, it brings me no sorrow... Roger Whitaker won't
be on MST tomorrow."
KytchnSync@aol.com asks: "Hi! I just started watching MST3K a few weeks ago
and it's now my favorite show! My friend and I were wondering, is Mike Nelson
married? (Oh yeah, we're females. Go figure...) If you know, please reply, if
you don't, that's great too! Thanks! ~Candice."
BobIshmael: "No, in fact he's not. He can't. While in Tibet with his
meditation group, Mike joined a group of Monks and took a vow of celibacy.
There is also a humorous story about that. In the March 1989 issue of GQ, Mike
was nominated "Bachelor of the Year." Since Mike had taken this vow in '76, he
wasn't about to break it just yet. To make a boring story short, Mike had many
an unwanted call from the ladies. He later sued GQ for $2.8 million."
BGibron: "OK, first to figure. I will assume that you are asking the question
because Mike is (a) sexy, (b) funny, (c) rich and famous (d) one of the
original members of Menudo. Have I figured correctly? Second, to answer the
inquiry. Time to stand vigil at the crest of Lovers' Leap ladies, because Mike
Nelson is indeed a member of the Ball and Chain Brigade. He is even a papa (or
a pupa, I always get those 2 things mixed up). It is rather common knowledge
that Mr. Nelson is legally and emotionally betrothed to another. But what is
not readily known is that he is married to fellow MST staff writer and
featured player Bridget (Nuveena, Flavia) Jones. Bridget is famous among the
writers as being the originator and prime supplier of "area" jokes. If you are
not sure what we mean when we say "area," then perhaps your claims of
femininity are suspect. So, sorry, Mike is married, but feel free to laugh
along with him, even as you watch your dreams of passion and the limelight
drift slowly into the cosmos."
BFoltz: "Married? You're joking, right? Why would Mike Nelson, one of the
world's funniest men, be married? Is there some conspiracy afoot? Some new law
that I should know about? What? Is that even legal? Be serious. Come on.
That's just plain stupid. If he did that, I would just slit my wrists now.
Ignore the above. He really is."
"Let me Tell you about the She-Creature..." by skypilot@ezaccess.net
Lately, the episode of MST3K I last saw was "The She-Creature" (1957). I
had not seen the movie yet, but I knew it would be on the show. My source was
the Internet Movie Database (us.imdb.com). I oddly looked forward to
seeing it.
However my attitude changed. This really bent the line of plausibility.
It starts off with Doctor Carlo Lombardi and a woman named "Andrea" (which
is odd, because all of the other characters have first AND last names), a
failed act which "proved the existence of reincarnation" at a carnival. A
while after, a number of mysterious deaths occur, who were enemies of the
doctor. ...But what university would give a wacko like this a doctorate? And
why? Something along the lines of a philosophical tone, I hope.
I knew from the start when I read the summary of the flick that some people
of other religions would not enjoy the idea of "proving" reincarnation. But
more on my mind was hoping that turning into the prehistoric creature (which
was killing the victims) would be like the transformation in the '40s classic
"The Wolf Man" from man to wolf. This wasn't the case. In lieu of such was Dr.
Lombardi forced Andrea "out of her body and into that of a being of a past
life." But, questions arose. Where did this body come from? Could it have been
pieced together from mulch? In another spot of the movie he transported Andrea
back to the 1600's, as a cockney woman. Why didn't her mind get flown to the
body of this English girl? Another cop-out was a typical "progression of the
successful act while we see a train going about with faded hands clapping.
Crow riffed, "Raving reviews from an audience of... six!"
Of course nosy little snots get in the way and are quickly disposed of. But
maybe a mite too quickly. They weren't given enough depth before they got
bumped off. And one European stereotype was just annoying with his idiotic
accent. When the guy was shocked, I think Servo even called, "Yeah, yeah,
Yumpin' Yiminy, we know."
As the movie dwindled in time, Andrea learned to resist Lombardi's power.
This became more confusing. True, he had a harder time controlling her, but
she eventually gave in. What does that tell you? Nothing, really. Then the
final appearance of the creature was coming on. He/she/it mortally wounds
Carlo and goes to kill the hero.
Carlo wakes, bloody. This was an incredibly stupid bloody, as Servo cried,
"Ugh... I knew I shouldn't have eaten all that chocolate." He casts a spell to
return Andrea's mind, and he dies. Andrea wakes up from the spell, which I can
understand. But how can the creature be controlled by her mind if it's already
in Andrea? It returned to the sea, but wouldn't it drop dead?
This ends typically as "The End...?" I certainly hope it was... but not
before a remake of the movie exactly a decade later called "The Creature of
Destruction."
No movie ever deserved to be roughly riffed like this one.
Hopefully next time from me: The Brady Bunch Movie... and its sequel!
Until next time,
-Ian Pugh-
"The Poison Pen" by gherity@tcfreenet.org
This Issue's rant: What's up with the SOL?
This isn't a rant, more of an out-loud wish... Ever since SCI-FI (the most
inept and anal people around) started carrying MST3K, something has always
happened to where I'd miss the show! I mean, I'm out living a rather social
life (outside MST3K) and I ALWAYS MISS the show! I was a faithful viewer back
when it was on Saturday mornings on Comedy Central (or maybe Sunday morning, I
don't know...) And no, before you say it, I'm one of the few primitives who
DON'T have A VCR! Now, if Sci-Fi would get a hint, and instead of putting it
on so late (11:00 was it Saturday nights?) or so odd of a time (6:00) I'd
actually watch! So, if Sci-Fi would be SO kind, and to move MST3K to let's
say... 11:00 am Sunday mornings? Would that be so hard? (And stop censoring my
Anime!!! I NEED MY FIX!!!)
First Rave: I'd like to give a shout out to the Minnesota Vikings! (5-0
Baby!) Also I'd like to give a shout out to all those who stood by the most
insane and opinionated member of the MSTAnon clique. Thanks for the backup!
And to Clinton: Party on, dude!
"I'm Back!" by alisson@bellatlantic.net
Hi-Keeba folks!!! Well, I'm back! After 2 years of moving / graduating /
getting back on the Internet, the first Internet member of MSTAnon is BACK!
Oye vay, it's been hectic. If y'all don't know me, (which you probably don't.
I haven't been in touch in 2 years! Most of you probably JOINED since then)
I'm Alisson, MSTie junkie, and Joel lover. :P (Come on, my fiancé's name is
Joel too!) I joined up in June of '96, and I've been fan of the month 1 time
since then. :-P The month I JOINED obviously. :-) Also known as the Trekkie of
the bunch, I've been into MSTie for about 4 years now, GOD has it been that
long? Sorry MSTies, but I missed the Electric Bugaloo. :-( It was either that,
or a new computer, which I NEEDED. So I'm MAJORLY bummed about that. My
parents just didn't understand.
Let's see... I'm getting married in May of '99, so things are looking
great! Actually, if it weren't for MSTAnon, I wouldn't have found the nice
chatting places for awhile! He introduced me to WBS, and there I found mIRC,
and there... I found my fiancée. :P We met in Feb. '97, and we reside in PA
now, Pittsburgh area.
I finally got my Internet back, and surfed and surfed till I found the Anon
page again. :P Finally got back in touch with MSTAnon, and here I am! A final
note: "To the Barenaked Ladies (my favorite band): The whole damn "One Week"
song, which I can finally SING! And it took me 2 weeks of listening to it 30
times a day! (Nah, it took me 2 days... heh.)"
Oh poopie!
"Adam's Views and Observations" by bozarth@adams.net
Hatred and Comedy Central
Most people should be familiar with the big fiasco about Comedy Central
canceling MST. Many outraged and distraught. Though there was light at the end
of this dark tunnel-in the shape of Saturn. Yep, good old Sci-Fi Channel
bought MST to call their own. Yet for some, the pain of cancellation still
lingered on. But why? Isn't it better MST is on SFC? More viewers, especially
the Brits (yes, YOU, Locdog) were introduced to MST and ratings rose. Heck, if
MST didn't get cancelled, I'd still be watching Saturday Night Live.
And if the people aren't mad about cancellation, they're mad at Comedy
Central for being Comedy Central. After a trip to Springfield and watching CC
for a while, I realized that CC is actually pretty good. Yes, I LIKE Comedy
Central. Unfortunately, beauty is barely perfect. The one big scar on the
beauty of CC is "South Park."
Yep, I hate "South Park." It wasn't always like this. I really liked "South
Park," but the glow soon wore off. Why? Because all the hype over one show,
every scene from every show on anything imaginable, and (living in a town
without CC) the people who know nothing about the show, but still quote the
show, even though horribly off from the real dialogue.
That's how I stand on the hatred issue. Let's recap!
Cancellation = Not mad.
Comedy Central = Not mad.
South Park = I'd rather be skinned alive and rolled in salt.
I'm not sure how you stand, and, frankly, I don't care. Although, the next
time you mistake, or mention, Kenny or Cartman, I'm gonna hurt you BAD.
Stinger: n. (sting-er) a short, amusing clip of a movie featured on the
cult-classic Mystery Science Theater 3000.
"MSTable Movies" by RMichel424@aol.com
It is once again time for MSTable Movies. This time it's giant bugs month:
Skeeter (1993)
It's attack of the giant mosquitoes! Bigger, better, stronger mosquitoes
thanks to toxic waste. Really bad and hard to watch. Main character is a small
town cop and his Indian partner. This film is a straight to video movie. I
give this film a rating of D+.
Empire of the Ants (1977)
This time it is giant ants! They are made possible thanks again to toxic
waste. The ants attack a group of people on a tour of a future housing site on
a small island. I give this film a C-.
Ticks (1993)
Giant tick thanks to steroids in their water supply this time. A group of
troubled teens and their adult supervision. This is a really lame movie. I
nearly fell asleep twice! I give this film an F.
Ants (1977)
This killer ant movie has tons of ants attacking guests at a hotel. Many
famous people appear in the film. I bet they wish they hadn't signed on.
Famous faces included Suzanne Sommers, Brian Dennehy, and Barry Van Dyke to
name a few. I have yet to see this film, but it sounds really bad!
The Nest (1988)
This time it is killer cockroaches, big ones too. They attack a small
island community. This time it is a scientific experiment gone wrong. Do we
honestly need better cockroaches? Are they ones we have now too weak? In one
scene, I swear this is true, as the local diner chef is killing them with a
spatula and throwing them in the microwave, the radio plays "La Cucaracha."
This is so bad it gets an F+. The plus is for effort.
"Jenny For Your Thoughts" by S364128@urgrgcc.edu
Okay, before I start I want everyone to take the time to thank God that
Joel and Frank are making guest appearances. (Which is something I will cover
next month. But since there are no new episodes or Turkey Day specials I feel
no need to rush. If you have heard any rumors, have any guesses or ideas what
Joel and Frank are going to do send them to S364128@urgrgcc.edu.)
Now on with this month's article. In my dorm we are decorating for a
haunted house for Halloween. It got me thinking how cool and scary an MST3K
haunted house would be. Here are my ideas. You start in during the first
season by being greeted by Dr. Erhardt (Forrester's first assistant), who
tells you be careful for Dr. F may shoot you in space. Freak out as the Mole
People chase you out of the room. Look out for Torgo who will try to paw at
you. You can tell you're in the second season as you see TV's Frank walking
around without his head. His head would be on a table yelling, "Look out
because here comes Dr. F." But it's too late. Dr. F sees you going and shoots
you into space. (Simulated by you going upstairs or something.)
Now you're on the SOL and you think you're safe but no! Joel has dressed
the 'Bots as farm animals and thinks he is the Master. Scream as Timmy chases
after you. You go into Tom Servo's messy room. Try not to become a part of the
mess. Look out as underwear and boxes of Hamdingers attack you. Now you're in
Season Six as you come out, but you're in a parallel universe. Dr. F and TV's
Frank won't stop singing about Joey the Lemur. You see evil Mike on the TV
screen. Run into and out of the theatre.
Now it's Season Eight and the 'Bots' clones are trying to make you one of
them! Watch out for Pitch as he designs your ham. Race down the Umbilicus
(going down stairs to the basement) and you're in the ape planet and mad. See
the big bomb and race out of there just before it goes off. Now you're in the
Observers' world and they're controlling Pearl and Bobo, telling them to kill
you, with their minds! Run as Mike destroys that planet also. Beware of the
Space Children and Roman people as they try to get you.
Now you're in Castle Forrester. You should be careful that Pearl doesn't
see you on the couch. Brain Guy then shrinks you down as you go into another
room. You can tell because everything is HUGE. Get back to regular size as you
run out of the castle, and this is one haunted house you're glad to be out of.
What do you think, sirs?
"Better 'Bots and Satellites" by bgibron@yahoo.com
Vol. 1 Issue 3
Season of the Itch: It's Halloween, MST Style.
You sense it in the air, don't you? The crisp bite of the wind, the way it
crawls down your lungs and calls up old memories of orchards, falling leaves
and smoking chimneys. You can also see it in your mind's eye, the children
running, moving down the street in packs, hopping from door to door as the
twilight plays over the tops of the homes. The sky turns plum, and now you can
hear it, the high pitched whine of voices as they call out "Trick or Treat."
You smell the warm fatty scent of buttery caramel apples, dark delectable
chocolates and sugary sweet candy corn.
Only now you remember that the cold wind froze the snot in your nose,
forming tiny icebergs through which no air would pass. The piles of leaves
always had slugs in them and were slimy and smelly. Those apples were filled
with razor blades and the candy corn were really diet pills. And the children,
oh the children. Those are truly the smells you remember, from the rotten egg
reeking from your best friend's supply of tricks (or heaven forbid, his or her
mouth!) to the distinct tang of urine produced by the local pee girl's Casper
costume. Yeah, its Halloween, a holiday so hideous that even the Devil disowns
it as being too commercial.
Still, you want to experience this time of year, and in a way that doesn't
traumatize you or the loved ones around you. How, you may ask, can I have fun
and yet remain true to the spirit of the ancient Druids who invented this
feast day? Well, nothing spells horror better than the alphabet... or a movie.
But what is that you say? I see the problem. You kept a copy of "My Best
Friend's Wedding" for over 2 weeks just to have enough time to count all of
Julia Robert's teeth and Blockbuster is demanding a huge cash settlement or
they start taking body parts. Well, let Better 'Bots and Satellites lead you
to an All Hallows Eve that you will never forget. There is no late fee or
charge for not rewinding.
We start with the 1968 film "Planet of the Apes." A planet where apes
evolved from men? You bet, and a cult phenomenon that developed into a full-
blown sci-fi classic? EVEN BETTER. You all know the story by now. An astronaut
named Taylor, played by the lower jaw of Mr. Charleton Heston, crash lands on
a far off alien world, a planet where animals reign supreme and humans are
naked, stupid and wallowing in their own filth. It turns out to be Earth about
the year 3000, or the year 2000 after the Republicans win the Congress AND the
White House. Who would have guessed? Captured by the simian population, he is
studied, less for his abilities to speak and think, and more for his
resistance to flinging his own poop. He is placed on trial for crimes against
the Ape, and sent to the forbidden zone, otherwise known as Grandma's
underpants. There he realizes his destiny, or his folly, or his humanity...
something like that.
The simple pleasures of this movie are many and varied; Charleton Heston's
method-ish acting, with it's rare combination of dignified elegance and
incredibly cheesed off; the cultured and elegant accents of British thespians
Maurice Evans and Roddy McDowell bleating foghorn like through hundreds of
pound of fur and rubber; the buxom and silent Nova, a dark-haired lass, hand
(or is that paw) picked by the apes to BREED with the lantern chinned Taylor,
proving that even in the year 3000, women were expected to be barefoot and
pregnant and mute.
But it is the wonderful script, filled with dialogue crafted by a pre-
cancerous but post-Twilight Rod Serling that completes the package. With such
stalwarts as "YOU CUT OUT HIS BRAIN!" "DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL" and of course the
classic "TAKE YOUR STINKING PAWS OF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APE," (which, if I am
not mistaken, occurs whenever Nova touches Taylor) this film has been single-
handedly responsible for more junior high school hallways being filled with
bad impressions of the NRA'd one than Soylent Green and Omega Man combined.
All this and more is TOTALLY missing from 306 Time of the Apes, a rip off
of a copy of a duplication of an idea stolen, meant to mimic a premise created
to ape (pun alert!!!) an original thought. Actually, a better title would be
Time of the Asian Planet of the Japanese Cat-like Quasi-simian Creatures. By
the way, what is it with the Japanese? They turn everything and anything into
CATS!!! Monkeys, people, consumer goods, buildings? In the mind of most Asian
designers, the universe possesses a latent FELINE quality that is just DYING
to get out. (Rumor has it that Andrew Lloyd Weber refused to let his neo-
classic feline bastard work play Kyoto, when the Japanese promoter asked for a
last minute title change, more in line with the Eastern way of thinking. They
wanted to call it All Creatures Great and Small.)
In Time of the Apes, we are again on Earth, albeit a world that mostly
resembles a poorly constructed diorama. Pseudo-concrete structures sway,
people freeze and unfreeze and actors struggle behind ill-fitting faces and
odd-shaped bodies. And then they meet the Apes. There is the tiny Gremlinesque
cat-ape, the ugly angry cat-apes and the scientific, intelligent cat-apes.
Plot? People fall asleep, dream of cat-ape creatures and then awaken. In the
middle, they follow the standard Japanese dramatic arch of capture and
escape... factorial. No linear plot development here, just a serious of random
images made to pass quickly in front of a high intensity lamp, merely
suggesting movement and action. One hopes that at the end of Planet of the
Apes, as Taylor bangs his fist into the sands of Earth and curses like Chris
Rock, he is (a) hurling those epithets at Sandy Frank and (b) pummeling the
last copy of Time of the Apes into oblivion.
The next feature on our list is 1975's Jaws, the classic man vs. shark vs.
box-office story. Steven "Boy Genius, Man Industry, Human Bank Vault"
Spielberg was only 25 when he took a best-selling book, a cast of virtual
unknowns and a rickety fiberglass and balsa wood shark and made film history.
From the opening solo attack to the closing explosion and final swim to
safety, our virtuoso filmmaker rewrote the rules for the modern popcorn movie
and the idle studio accountant. Jaws became synonymous with two things: money
and money.
The story here is simple. Big mean nasty shark on a seafood diet (when he
sees food, he eats it) terrorizes a small beach town reeking havoc on local
law enforcement and the Chamber of Commerce. People die, blood flows,
reservations are canceled! It is up to a wily fisherman, a nebbish
oceanographer and a transplant sheriff to rid the waters of this menace, and
make the town once again safe for tourist gouging. This film has it all! Beach
party necking! Crabs on a dismembered corpse. Underwater heads without
eyeballs. Old men in bathing caps! Obnoxious death-deserving children
screaming in a Technicolor fountain of their own blood! Richard Dreyfus prior
to the onset of self-importance and substance abuse bloat. Scars, scars and
more scars. And Robert Shaw teaching Bela Lugosi a thing or two about acting
with a mechanical, half-broken plastic sea creature.
If only 911 Devil Fish were half broken. Unfortunately, it feels more like
a total cataclysmic shift in the very fabric of time and space. At least Jaws
attempted to render a halfway recognizable and operational sea creature. In
Devil Fish, we get a moving hors d'oeuvre from your average Italian restaurant
spruced up by wires and tubes, photographed with such impressive optical
effects as smoke, fog, obscuring objects, fingerprints on the lens and gauze
filters made of real gauze, rendering it that much more impossible to see. We
have intoxicated shirt and English-less actors who, while supposedly playing
scientists, resemble more closely rejected models from a Jean Paul Gautier
fashion show. We witness corporate greed, backstabbing and watch-giving.
The plot centers on a local beer drinking contest and a killer fish that...
no wait, that's not it. Its really about the rise and fall of Colecovision as
the standard in home entertainment... no, wait, that's not it either. Tell the
truth, it is really a sordid little tale of a two-timing wife and the dull,
offish computer hacker she loves, as he wreaks havoc from behind his Apple
IIe... no, that's not it either. Basically, something is killing someone and
vague quasi-intelligent Eurotrash is sent to investigate. About all they
discover is a powerful thirst for alcohol and a shapeless, formless kind of
love that makes one feel groggy and gritty.
In the end it turns out that the Devil Fish was built to be a sort of
weapon, manufactured to exacting specification of blurriness and poorly
realized in cut-rate Silly Putty. Yet so many questions remain unanswered.
Just how did the Devil Fish work? Who built the first one? Who owns the patent
rights? Was there an infomercial? (I must have missed it.) Does it make those
wonderful onion appetizers like the restaurants serve? And what about the
peculiarly cadenced, video game playing sexpot/spy/electrician? What did she
have to do with the plot? The answers unfortunately are as clear as the shots
of the monster itself.
But none of these films produce the kind of mind numbing terror as our last
entry, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. Follow me on this one. We have the
depraved story of a hostile, monotone loner, and his tagalong, childlike
buddy. We have an innocent girl who wants to run from her family, and works a
dead-end job in the service industry. Crimes of debauchery and brutality are
committed again and again. The tone is oppressive and morbid. Dark, depraved
ideas are explored. The strange bond between the older man and his "friend",
and the even odder bond between the girl and "the loner" are revealed in a
slow, methodical documentary style. We become acquainted with a varied and
sundry assortment of hags, dregs and lowlifes. And we have Jack Elam as Jesse,
the cockeyed village idiot... wait, no, that is 509 Girl in Lovers Lane. As a
matter of fact, they are the same movie!!!
In Henry, we see what happens when men spend TOO much time together in a
dank apartment drinking coffee and staring at each other. They just got to
KILL something. Henry, the older, wiser loner knows everything there is to
know about serial killing, body disposal and pest control. Apparently this is
all he knows for otherwise he would recognize the completely unhinged quality
of his friend Otis. Otis is a juvenile lout that leers at young boys and his
own sister. He is a perturbed walking quirk, what with his drug dealing and
unquenchable thirst for COLOR TV.
Into their so called 'life' walks, Becky, Otis' ex-stripper, cute as a
button and ready to be victimized sister. She is leaving an abusive husband
and family of incest to live with Henry and Otis. Talk about out of the frying
pan and into the nuclear center of the Sun. It isn't long before she is making
eyes at Henry, Otis is making eyes at her and every other breathing object and
Henry is taking eyes from victims. In the end, Henry kills everyone, leaves
them in garbage bags and suitcases along the highway, and heads to California
where he takes a job as Head of Programming for Comedy Central.
Now, HOW is "The Girl in Lover's Lane" the same movie? Here's is how: In
Girl, we see what happens when men spend TOO much time together in a dank
boxcar drinking sterno and starring at each other. They just got to HURT
something. Bix Dugan, the older, wiser loner knows everything there is to know
about the drifter's life, disgruntled slouching and pinball. Apparently this
is all he knows for otherwise he would recognize the completely unhinged
quality of his friend Danny. Danny is an overbearing momma's boy that leers at
elderly, crusty hookers and his own money roll. He is an ambulatory emotional
tick, what with his hero worship and homo-erotic obsession with Bix.
Into their so called 'life' walks Carrie, the local diner owner's cute as a
button and ready to be victimized daughter. She is leaving an abusive co-
worker Jesse (played by Jack "No Means No" Elam) and family of ennui to be
with Bix and Danny. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the cold lumpy
gravy... It isn't long before she is making eyes at Bix, Danny is making eyes
at Bix and every other walking social disease host and Jesse is making eyes at
two differing focal points on the horizon.
In the end, Jesse kills Carrie, leaves her in Lovers Lane as a way of
blaming Bix, and heads to California where he takes a job as Head of
Programming for Comedy Central. No, wait... that's not how it ends... Bix is
beaten, Jesse is beaten, Danny calls home and tells the bitter, distant family
he just left a few days ago the great news, that his "friend" Bix is coming
home with him to live. That, my friends, is sicker than ANYTHING that happens
in Henry is.
So, as midnight approaches and all the ghouls and goblins of the dark
begin to emerge and frolic, think back on all the grotesque, deformed,
repulsive and horrendous sights you've seen. The tight disco pants and
bogaboots of the human hero in Time of the Apes. The girdled bodice of the
scheming wife in Devil Fish as she tries, and the key word here is tries to be
seductive and sensual. Or, the geriatric hooker, prostrate and covered in
bubbles, as she bathes her skanky hide and produces 'come hither' after 'come
whither' look in The Girl in Lovers Lane. I guarantee that sleep will not
come easy.
"To Celebrate or Critique MST3K" by Ingeborg@apsci.com
I've loved MST3K for as long as I can remember. Sadly, through the show's
entire run at Comedy Central, I didn't have cable, but would delight whenever
I would catch it at a friend's or something. Then, after seeing the movie in
theaters and getting a hold of some of the older episodes, I became a hardcore
fan. Now, MST3K is hands down my favorite show on television and I love it as
much as ever. Am I so different than anyone who would read these words?
However, the more I get into the "fan-scene" of MST3K, I'm astonished how
much people openly criticize and critique Best Brains and the show for being
different, for trying new things and even for changing with the passage of
time. Me, I have faith in the Brains. The show has changed tremendously since
the KTMA days, but one thing has remained constant, it's always been funny. I
mean, every episode I've ever seen has made me laugh out loud, at least once.
It's a show that gets better each time you see an episode and appeals to
people on all kinds of levels. Sure, some episodes aren't as funny as others,
some gags are just stupid. However, the show has been going 10 years yet still
remains fresh, funny and worth watching; when even the Simpsons are starting
to seem stale, this is truly amazing.
The new characters/players of the Sci-Fi run are brilliant (hooray for Bill
Corbett and Mary Jo Pehl!), with everyone else continuing to do a good job!
While Season 8's "travelling through time and space" thing certainly wasn't
appreciated by all, I felt it was fun and over way too quickly- but hey,
that's me. Season 9 has been really great too; Puma Man, Werewolf, Hobgoblins
(almost rivals Manos, IMO) were all great and who isn't happy about seeing
them do a Gumby short?! (More Gumby please!) Another thing that surprises me
is the amount of concern and opposition I've read in this newsletter and
elsewhere concerning the Brains' new show. Best Brains is getting the
opportunity and resources to do something new, and people are upset? Sure, it
is cutting into the making of more MST3K episodes, but I genuinely am giddy
with anticipation to see what else those nuts come up with. I have no clue
what they have up their sleeve, but I can't wait to find out. The fact that
MST3K will be continuing despite work on a new project is fantastic, and
something I think some fans are overlooking.
I don't mean to criticize the ideas and concerns of other MSTies, I mean,
everyone has different tastes and a right to their own opinion. However, I
think it's necessary to point out to people who love MST3K as much as me that
we're quite lucky. The show has and continues to change and evolve, but it's
going strong and remains very, very funny to watch. That's good enough for me
and I'm eternally grateful they're working their butts off for us, the
viewers. Thank you MST3K, for making us laugh at love, again.
October MSTie of the Month: SZeitz3426@aol.com
My name is Robby. I've been a MSTie since Season 6. I have all the Rhino
videos. I am getting The CD. I have MST3K: TM on DVD. I am getting "Eegah!" on
DVD when it comes out. I have 2 MST3K screensavers. I have an MST3K
background. I have the Bite Me and BBI T-shirts. I have a Crow refrigerator
magnet. I am MSTie #90505.
MST3K Trivia Winners
MSTAnon here. The old Triviamaster hath returned, my darling! Cambot, now
known as Dream Traveller 1, recently recovered from a bout with cancer and is
back out of the hospital. I'd like to extend a welcome back greeting to him as
a driving force at MSTies Anonymous. If he would like it back, I'd be more
than happy to return this section... Two Triviamasters on one staff? What are
the odds?
#50 is going for a new trivia longevity record. Way to go, Servo T!
#53 was taken by Atog554, who knew that American International made "Foxy
Brown." Thanks, Bozarth.
#54 has yet to be attempted by anyone. C'mon, answer Locdog's question!
#55 was also solved by Atog554. Hanna-Barbara did the SFX for 622.
November MST3K Schedule on SFC
North America
{All times are Eastern and tentative}
| Date | Time | ### | Episode |
|---|---|---|---|
| 11/07/98 | 5:00 pm | 814 | Riding with Death |
| 11/07/98 | 11:00 pm | 814 | Riding with Death |
| 11/14/98 | 5:00 pm | 816 | Prince of Space |
| 11/14/98 | 11:00 pm | 816 | Prince of Space |
| 11/21/98 | 5:00 pm | 820 | Space Mutiny |
| 11/21/98 | 11:00 pm | 820 | Space Mutiny |
| 11/28/98 | 5:00 pm | 821 | Time Chasers |
| 11/28/98 | 11:00 pm | 821 | Time Chasers |
Europe and Africa
{All times are U.K. and tentative}
| Date | Time | ### | Episode |
|---|---|---|---|
| 01/11/98 | 14.00 | 813 | Jack Frost |
| 07/11/98 | 24.00 | 907 | Hobgoblins |
| 08/11/98 | 14.00 | 907 | Hobgoblins |
| 14/11/98 | 24.00 | TBA | |
| 15/11/98 | 14.00 | TBA | |
| 21/11/98 | 24.00 | 804 | Deadly Mantis |
| 22/11/98 | 14.00 | 804 | Deadly Mantis |
| 28/11/98 | 24.00 | 806 | The Undead |
| 29/11/98 | 14.00 | 806 | The Undead |
Classifieds 3000
Booboo@daveworld.net writes: "Come on over to the Shrine of MST3K at
http://homepage.dave-world.net/~booboo/MST3k.html. I've got news, links,
sounds, and chat transcripts. Also, I run the Satellite of Love Web Ring. So,
for all of you out there with pages dedicated to our favorite obsession, tune
your crank to http://homepage.dave-world.net/~booboo/MST3kring.html and fill
in the form!"
Ingeborg@apsci.com writes: "The 64 Source is a Nintendo 64 fan site (run by
MSTies, no less) that fires back at the news of the video game industry much
like Mike and the 'Bots quipping away at so many bad movies. It's not enough
to report the news, we give you our take on it! Add our highly interactive
mailbag, reviews, previews, the biggest N64 code/Gameshark archive on the
Internet and mix in a little wackiness and you've got the "Satellite of Love"
of the Nintendo 64 online world. So, if own a Nintendo 64, want to know more
about the system or its games, or are just bored, check out the 64 Source at
www.64source.com -and leave Robert Denby alone! Jobs currently available for
dedicated Nintendo-loving writers, see site for details! Also, looking for
episodes of Dragon Ball Z/GT JAPANESE television show (not the dubbed US
version); Kids in the Hall and MST3K to purchase and/or trade. Contact Max
Lake, Ingeborg@apsci.com."
Disclaimers
All material written by club members in this publication does not necessarily
reflect the views or opinions of the staff of MSTies Anonymous. Endorsement of
above publicized activities not operated by MSTies Anonymous should not be
implied. Published material is subject to editing only for spelling, grammar,
clarity, and formatting; other changes are not made without express written
consent of the author.
Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyright 1998
Best Brains, Inc. This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights
held by Best Brains, the Sci-Fi Channel, or their employees.
"Gizmonics" and all related elements are copyright and trademark Joel Hodgson.
This publication is not meant to infringe on any copyrights held by him, so
please do not sue us.
© MCMXCVIII MSTies Anonymous
The Poobah mstanon@msties.com
Jet Jaguar kret0419@blue.UnivNorthCo.edu
Zen Psycho Cool6000@juno.com
"Yeah, the Horror at Party Beach is Cindy's cheese dip."