Yes, the fated general science fiction convention that just-so happened to
have four of our favorite writers and performers from Mystery Science Theater
3000 as guests has come and gone. The weekend at the well, rustic Henry
VIII Inn in St. Louis, MO was the first time since the ConventioCon ExpoFest-
A-Rama II: Electric Bugaloo that a substantially large group of MSTies
worldwide have gathered together to bond like the rabid fans they are. Yours
truly was present at the weekend's festivities; those of you present might
recall me lugging my authentic, animated, and now signed replica of the squat
crimson pig around the premises whilst distributing the aforementioned
150 Forrester-green brochures with which to promote MSTies Anonymous.
I'm glad I had the opportunity to finally meet Jenny, Martin, Chuck, Susan,
Sarah, Jason, Mike, Chris, Brian, Doug, Paul, Joe, Jef, Ken, and the other
hundreds of MSTies whose names I can't recall at this very moment. Sorry if I
forgot your name; there were just so many! Over the three days of the
convention, I managed to take a total of 4 rolls of film, the best of which is available here for your perusal.
At the Con, not only did Bill and MaryJo sign my program, Mike sign my mint
copy of his new book, but Kevin Murphy signed my Tom Servo! And now, on with my account of the proceedings...
When Friday started, I was driving 80 miles an hour east on I-70 in Kansas approaching the Missouri border. Having left Denver at 4 the previous afternoon, I probably should've stopped in Kansas City to rest up before the really big show. But no, being the rabid MSTie I am, I took the clinically insane route and drove the 12.5 hours straight through to Saint Louis. Upon finally reaching the St. Louis metro area, the eastern sky was beginning to draw light and rush hour was beginning as hundreds of Missouri license-plated vehicles streamed onto the roads like so many red blood cells into veins and arteries. Fortunately, my exit wasn't too far from city limits (no, I wasn't wearing a skull helmet) and I rolled into the parking lot of the Henry VIII at 5:30 that morning. Amazed with my own lunacy and not feeling so tired anymore -- rather energized at the inevitably amazing weekend ahead -- I sauntered into the lobby and asked if the front desk if they had any rooms. Surprisingly enough and contrary to the official Gateway Con website, they indeed did have vacancies. So after spending a few minutes to balance my checking account to ensure that the necessary funds were in place, I checked in. Don't call me Dunstin.
After a well-deserved nap, I awoke and proceeded to the inn's restaurant to eat. Though the service was slow, the food was marginal, and the prices offensive, I did notice a rather large congregation of MSTies in the banquet room behaving as if they were long-lost family. Obviously, I had found RATMM. Sure, I might be a RATMM outsider, but that's just because I don't have the kind of time to read and post on the Usenet on top of attending college and maintaining this website... but I digress. So it was the RATMMers to whom I gave out the first of 150 Forrester-green MSTies Anonymous brochures I'd printed out at Kinko's to promote the site. Maybe it's just me, but there's something very satisfying about getting the word out.
After mingling with the early arrivals and inquiring about the starting time of registration in the lobby, all the while holding my Tom Servo replica and passing out the brochures, I realized I'd left my copy of Mike Nelson's Movie Megacheese back in Colorado. So it was just a quick little excursion to the local mall to try and acquire a mint copy of it, only to be redirected to the local Borders. Lemme tell you a little something about St. Louis roads... they suck. All the roads are divided highways, and once you start going one way, it'll probably be a few miles down the road before given the chance to turn around via what they call a "U-Turn Ramp." Whatever. So by the time I got back to the Henry VIII with Mike's book, registration was well underway in a rather chaotic state. So with Servo in hand, I continued handing out the brochures and managed to fork over the $60 for quite an exquisite nametag. What was really great about registration in the lobby was getting to meet all the many MSTies I'd known from this new-fangled super-highway thing. Quite a kick, really.Among those I met included the regulars of #deep13, Satelline News chat regulars, 'Bot builders Jef Zehnder and Ken Hayes, and the multitude of you MSTies Anonymous members on hand at the event.
The first event of the Con started very late. So late, in fact, that the 3 'Bot builders and their Servos entertained the gathering of MSTies with a handful of impromptu songs from the history of MST3K. It was very disturbing.
When technical services finally had the video playback setup, it was about time to get the shin-dig going. The fodder for open riffing was unknown up until the time it hit the screen. And to the dull surprise of the several hundred MSTies who had streamed into the Grand Ballroom, the Joe Don Baker classic "Mitchell" was projected for the audience. While several folks recited their favorite lines from Joel's swan song in episode 512, others still added their own unique commentary for a thoroughly enjoyable experience... except, of course, for the full uncut love scene between JDB and Linda Evans. Sure, there were other scenes cut from the MST version of the film such as the dune buggy fight (Whee!), but that was the one that really scarred everyone for life. Also shown were select episodes from the Ben Murphy masterpiece series Riding With Death, but it was time for go to eat with the #deep13 posse.
Later on, the film's counterpart from episode 1008 would appear in its full R-rated form. No instances of, "You son of a..." or edited Triangle Girls, oh no. Producer Greydon "Fall down the wall 7 times" Clark felt it absolutely necessary to include a disturbing scene in which Pollermo assaults a showering woman. Some things just weren't meant for MST, and I'd be surprised to see such contents of a raw movie in a Rhino DVD. Oh, for fun.
Off in search of a VCR for playing tapes of MST3K, we tracked down the room of Samurai88. Already there were the regulars of the official site's BBoard, laughing away at any number of old, obscure episodes. Due to the unfortunate large amount of downtime at the Gateway Con, much of the time spent hanging out was there watching some really old MST.
As a regular of the Satellite News Chat held at a sadly ever-decreasing interval and with the lack of anything better to do prior to the first really big happening of the Con, I attended the live edition of the chat with my buddies from #deep13. A hundred MSTies crowded from a tiny hallway into a seemingly tinier conference room devoid of all computer screens and but one for Erhardt, who had a copy of his and Sampo's website up for their reference. Sadly, the majority of the crowd could've probably been classified either as newbies or not up-to-date on MST news, so most of the "chat" was spent getting caught up on the current status of the cancelled show. While the normal hour-long chats on IRC consist mostly of general rambling/scrolling after the exceedingly quick news briefs and followed up by blatant website plugs, the real-deal seemed like +m mode (moderated) with +v mode (voice) given to people with questions or comments. Since no handles were hovering over peoples' heads and the fancy nametags were far too small to read and unassociated with screen names, it was a rather anonymous gathering of regulars and outsiders. And hey, Sampo and Erhardt got to plug the $18 t-shirts they had printed up! Now if I'd had the time, energy, or money to do so, I would've printed up a bunch of t-shirts for the Con, but had to settle for the brochures. When the chatters were cut loose, there was still a bit of time left until the ex-Brains made their first really big appearance.
So what does the posse do? They piled into mine and Jenny's (of "Jenny For Your Thoughts" fame) cars and headed down the road to the only known fast-food joint under the Golden Arches. Although it was really weird stuffing deep-fried food manufactured on an assembly line by oily-faced Missouri teenagers with two MSTAnon staff members, but even stranger to be chowing down in the presence of an entire pack of MSTie friends from the virtual world. At some point, we all agreed that a pilgrimage to Plymouth (Minnesota) to visit with Jim and Barbbb at their new office -- maybe even watching some really, really vintage MST with them -- would be a great idea for a family reunion of sorts. That'd be hella cool.
And upon returning to the Henry VIII, it was high time. An anxious pack of MSTies filled the Grand Ballroom and eagerly awaited the appearance of Mike, Kevin, Bill, and MaryJo. Just as soon as they walked onstage, the 'Bot builders present were invited up with them to demonstrate the fruits of our insanity... truly an exhilerating experience for my fellow 'Bot builders and I. Here's a transcript of the event's opening from the movie encoded by CrowTRobot.com.
Mike: How many puppets do we have?
Kevin: A show of puppets, please.
Mike: Servo.
Kevin: There's a Servo, there's a Crow up in the back there. Well, let's see that, let's see these Servos. How many Servos are here? Servos, come here.
Bill: How many of you are puppets?
Kevin: Very good. What's your name?
Ken: Uh, Ken Hayes, Houston, Texas.
Kevin: Face the stage. That's how they can see you there.
Bill: Of Hayes Puppeteering.
Ken: Okay.
Kevin: And the name of your puppet?
Ken: Uh, Tom Servo.
Kevin: Very nice. We've got 3 Tom Servos up here. This is lovely. And, and your name?
Jef: Jef Zehnder.
Kevin: Jef, and the name of your puppet?
Jef: Billy Bob Thornton.
Kevin: And your name is?
MSTAnon: I'm the MSTies Anonymous Poobah.
Bill: Come on up, you guys with the SOL.
Kevin: And your real name?
MSTAnon: My real name? That's classified.
Kevin: Good. Where's that Crow? That Crow should be up here, too. Let's get that Crow.
Bill: This man has a full-scale SOL.
Kevin: Wow.
Bill: Not that this matters up here.
Kevin: Can I uh, hold your puppet while you hold my microphone? This is a really fine Tom Servo!
Bill: It's very nice. It's actually better than the ones we worked with.
Kevin: This is very lovely, it appears to be made from all-original parts...
Bill: Kevin, can we tempt you to do a little Tom?!
Servo: My God, it's Mars! Ah, no. No, oh no, no, no. That's good. Ah, my arm! I'm perfect except for my arm just fell off. What kind of a 'Bot builder are you, anyway? He's ruining it for these people! Man, where you from, then?
Ken: Houston, Texas.
Servo: Houston, Texas. Yeah, I've heard about Houston, Texas. We won't talk about that here. Well, thank you for building me... and thank you for participating in our puppet show.
Bill: Now enjoy the wrath of our lawyers!
Mike: Well, they're not our lawyers.
Kevin: Okay, let's see how this one turned out.
MaryJo: Next.
Kevin: Now that's very nice. Very nice.
Mike: Wow, what do you keep in the little squeeze-ball there?
Kevin: He's got the original Tom Servo...
Bill: I don't know about that.
Kevin: How many people know about the original Tom Servo pneumatic arm effect here? Huh? It's just as lame as the original Tom Servo! It's very nice. Good job.
Bill: It's true that for awhile, Tom had flesh-colored hands... very disturbing.
Kevin: Joel actually, he brought me these hands and said, "Kevin, paint these. It's just far too disturbing." Very nice Tom, thanks alot.
Mike: And with that ball, it is the only Servo that can reproduce.
Kevin: Let's not let that happen. So where did you guys get your parts?
MSTAnon: Well, I found the...
Bill: Clonus, huh!
Kevin: These parts, puppet parts!
MSTAnon: I found the Carousel Snack Dispenser at the Mall of America following the ConventioCon ExpoFest-A-Rama II: Electric Bugaloo!
Bill: Do you guys exist when you're not at conventions?
Kevin: Thanks very much. You know, let's take a look at this Crow over there.
Bill: Take a look at this, Crow!
MaryJo: It's the wrong color, Bill.
Bill: Oh, the color's a problem, honey, uh... No, this Crow is very complex, as you may know, and uh...
Mike: It's the Mir version of Crow.
Bill: It's not quite Timmy the dark Crow, but it's, uh...
Lacie: The rusted Crow.
Bill: It's the rusted Crow, but it's very nice. I mean, you know these things are a bitch to make. Thank you!
Kevin: Thanks, folks! Very much.
Bill: The guys who make puppets, ladies and gentlemen, the guys who make puppets!
Kevin: One more, one more... Has everyone seen this model that's available from Janus? This, uh...
Mike: Obviously you can't, you won't get a good view of it, but I look like I'm on methamphetamines.
Bill: So very true to life, then.
Mike: It looks like my face has been filed to a sharp point. I mean, I'm hideous, but I don't look exactly like this, you know, just hideous.
Kevin: He's got sort of Kevin Branaugh lips, you know? They don't adjust there.
Mike: Yes, but you did an extraordinary job with painting it, but I still look like someone you'd meet in a back-scale. Very nice. Thank you very much.
Kevin: Thanks very much.
Mike: Pleasure meeting you.
Kevin: Let's give all these fanatics a big hand.
Bill: Puppet builders, ladies and gentlemen.
Following the hour-long Q&A session, most of the MSTies streamed out into the cramped Henry VIII hallway and down a hot and sweaty corridor and stood in line for upwards of 90 minutes to acquire the autographs of the 4 ex-Brains. While waiting in line, not only did I run into the MSTie with the nicely-painted Janus Model Kit, but also another fan with a homemade Nanite. Fortunately, I had my Tom Servo replica and copy of Mike Nelson's Movie Megacheese for Kevin and Mike to sign, but didn't have anything for MaryJo or Bill beyond the Gateway Con program. Oh, well. I'll have the Golden Spider Duck soon enough. MaryJo was very nice, signing her name on the spot in the program reserved for the "mystery guest," and Bill signed by his name adjacent to the SOL crew photo. I joked around with Mike about this book being my 2nd copy, for being put into cold storage with his signature while the other is actually being read. Mike apologized for his face and then I presented Kevin with my Servo. Kevin hugged Servo for the great photo op and signed him right on the front left panel of the Hoverskirt! Woo-hoo! And of course, I made sure all the ex-Brains got brochures for this site.
During the long downtime between The Boys of MST3K and the Masquerade, the #deep13 posse moseyed on up to the blue screen room for some Team MSTing, or at least those of us who could sign up. With a vacancy in the very first group, I joined MSTAnon member and Pumaman Doug Cramer with another MSTie and my Servo in the cramped, awkward theater. Barely seeing the tiny, little TV screen displaying an old black and white war movie around my Servo was challenging enough, let alone thinking up anything laugh-out-loud funny on-the-fly to drab shots of scenery. The single microphone provided for us three was rather weak, but we seemed to have our timing pretty well-spaced out. I feel we were mildly amusing for amateurs with the added novelty of having a Servo replica in the theater. Now I've really got to order that tape...
Instead of going back with the #deep13 posse to Samurai88's room for more MST3K tape viewings like a sane MSTie, I went scurrying about in preparation for that evening's costume contest. Basically, I sat in the Grand Ballroom for an hour waiting for the tech guys to record a minute of "Tibby" off my Clowns in the Sky CD. Once Servo's song was ready to roll, I hung out for awhile in the lobby, then suited up for the really big show. Due to the restricted flash-photography during the actual contest and being behind the black curtain (pay no attention!), I got most of these photos beforehand in the contestant queueing area. But while near the end of the line downstairs during the show, I could do little more than hold my 'Bot and listen as the M.C. ran down the list of costumes as each appeared on stage and did a little skit. Upon learning that the 4 ex-Brains plus Discworld series author Terry Pratchett would be judging, the 6 of us in MST costumes kinda freaked out. Even though they turned in their unbiased and non-MST3K costume winner "Orange Love" (whatever), it was still very thrilling to perform my Tom Servo lip-synching the 'Bot to his love song to a turtle. Afterwards, Mike, Kevin, and Bill were nice enough to wait for a moment and have a group picture taken with me and several other extreme MSTies. Huzzah! Oh, and Jenny, too!
Immediately following the Masquerade was a fan-produced commentary of a really bad episode of Dr. Who: "The Twin Dillema". Though the big crowd had cleared out and the remaining, non-riffing fans were mildly amused by the performers' snide remarks, it was a positive experience to witness a live fan MSTing. Remind me never to watch Dr. Who again, though...
Too worked-up from the night's proceedings, the crew from #deep13 went back for more MST3K tapes, got kicked out of the room at time for go to bed, then sat in the hallway and watch De sit there giggling for a couple hours. All of our senses of humor seemed to be really twisted late at night, not just mine. A bunch of kids from the big family reunion were running up and down the halls of the squeaky-floored inn, but eventually got corraled to bed before we all went exploring in and about the labyrinthine structure. The place had so many nooks, crannies, and gateways to parallel dimensions that it was exceedingly easy to get lost. Oh, for fun.
Sadly, a room big enough to hold half the stuff from the Electric Bugaloo's prop museum only held a meager 4 Invention Exchange entries from the attending MSTies. Here they are in all their inanimate and $.25 vote-collecting glory. Although there were only a handful of submissions, they were really rather creative. Don't expect any less from MSTies.
So with nothing to do that morning but attend a couple miscellaneous (and sometimes canceled) panels, we all hung out around the hospitality suite for free munchies to serve as lunch and watched a bit more MST in Samurai88's room once again. We were sure to get all of our chatroom group photos in before things got too crazy later on...
At the 2nd hour-long Q&A sessions with the ex-Brains, the MSTies started filtering into Terry Pratchett's session halfway through, so he kindly got the hint that he wasn't the main draw of the Con and wrapped up a few minutes early. This time around, instead of trying to listen to MSTies shout questions from the crowd, Kevin went around like Jerry Springer and gave out TimmyBigHands hats to the most unique questions. Again, it was alot of fun, and a bunch of us got to ask questions of the Brains. I asked if they'd be up for another edition of MST Live if asked by the right people, to which they replied only if they paid for a week's worth of lunch. Jenny asked if they'd gone sightseeing, but they hadn't. Closing ceremonies immediately followed the last big event of the Con, but most of the attendees bolted for the exit. Prizes were awarded.
This was it. The end of the convention was upon us, so it's a good thing I enjoyed it while it lasted. I happened to capture a quick shot of Sampo and Erhardt on the way out of the Q&A. A groggy bunch of MSTies stuttered out of the room, only to grab a few quick group photos and head on back for more MST episodes. I stayed around for the end of the one being shown, then put my Servo back into its cardboard box filled with stuffed with styrofoam packing peanuts with some help from Locdog. Then it was high time for me to go ahead on and drive back to Denver, noticing the AOL herd leaving the Henry VIII as I rolled out of the parking lot and onto the long and winding interstate. Huzzah.
If you have any questions, comments, corrections, additions, or even your own story for the SOL Post, feel free to e-mail me at mstanon@msties.com.
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